Define "chronic" masturbator.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
