it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
