I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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