Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
