I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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