It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!