the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
well most of my day revolves around power hour
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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