who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
