As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
