Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
