a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
