where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He shit in the fireplace
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
