forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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