Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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