She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
