Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize