Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...