just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.