just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.