Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.