So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
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I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
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After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.