walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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