this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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