We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
