I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
