My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
