Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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