We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
birth control should be required to get into college
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
