the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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