i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
