my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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