Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
