brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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