I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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