the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
How does one acquire holy water?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
