Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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