she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
