I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
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and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
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Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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