Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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