but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
