My hair reeks of homosexuality.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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