Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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