I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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