Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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