My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
We're not piercing ourselves today.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
