I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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