I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
