tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
