i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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