Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
