Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
