Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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