No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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