marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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