you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
