eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize