I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Mom said you looked used
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
