I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
