nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
