how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize