just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
