I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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