the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Randomize
